Faking It

I just read this blog about a "make-believe" Mormon. It's the blog of a woman in her late 20's who met a boy when she was young and in love, converted to the church in order to marry this hot RM and was baptized, only to find herself trapped in a fake marriage where she's "pretending" and now making fun of the church. While I do empathize with this woman to a degree, I find her the equivalent of a gay man who pretends to be straight for societal purposes.

I don't think I understand the importance of marriage anymore. To the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints it's an important institution where two people, a man and a woman, unite to form a family. Usually these people have a common value system based on honesty, fidelity, and trust. That bond is broken when one "fakes" believing in a religion, or their sexual preference, or even hides secrets such as addiction. If one partner enters into the union hiding one of these things, then the marriage is going to be rough and the couple is going to need some major work or a divorce. I don't think I would want to marry a person who was pretending. Pretending to be a part of my religion, pretending to be straight, pretending to be legal if they were illegal (I know someone who did that). Religion, sexuality, citizenship, these are all pretty important identity definitions. It's one thing to have a crises and question your identity, it's wholly different to never believe it all and trick the person merely for selfish gain.

There are thousands of single Mormon women that would love a hot, hard working Mormon man. Throw him back to the singles ward sista! I'm sure there are plenty of single men who would love a single part-time teacher with alimony and wit.

As a woman who has spent time on the singles scene, it's laughable to watch spouses take each other for granted. I know, I know, the grass is always greener. Whenever one of my married friends wants to know what its like on the singles scene, I invite her to come to the singles ward.

Sure, there are 5-10 hot rich guys that you would like to date. You're in your late 20's early 30's? Those guys only import 18 year old girls from UVSC. Let's move onto the next selection of men: the average joes. Sure, those should be easy catches - you're an 8, he's a 6. Piece of cake. Except 40 women from the ages of 23-34 are clamouring to shine their shoes and bake cookies for them. You think women are catty and back biting in the family wards? Try the singles wards. Women will invent all sorts of nick names and rumors to ruin your reputation amongts the average joes so you'll be pariah and your late night Friday night date is Orvielle Redenbacher and a Lifetime movie.

The divorcees? Be prepared for alimony, child support, and an empty bank account. In other words: you're gonna work! For the rest of your adult life. No "Molly Mormon" mom of baking cookies. Sorry.

Okay, okay - you don't want the Mormon singles scene. You want out of the church. You want the Sex and the City lifestyle. Well Mr. Big doesn't exist honey, he's fiction. There are some nice guys with average looks, some extremely good looking guys trolling for sex, and everything in between. It's an adjustment to find someone who doesn't have a built in value system that you automatically share. You have to dig, search, ask questions, and argue about that value system. There are no "rules" set by a gospel and share culture albiet stifling and boring one. You make rules together and its not always agreed upon.

All I'm saying is sometimes we take things for granted, and sometimes it takes someone on the "other side of the grass" to point it out. I'm not currently single, but being single for so long made me really hang on to what I've got - even when it gets tough. The Church isn't perfect. And there are days I abhor the culture. I laugh at this woman's blog because of the annoying callings I get too and some of the things people say and do in Church- I totally see her point of view. However, I also think if you feel like you're faking you should confront the issue - delve into the matter. That's the purpose of my blog. Whenever I have an issue or a topic that I culturally disagree with, I confront the doctrine here.

I am not "Mormon". I believe in the doctrine of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. To be Mormon is to label me as a stereotype - a woman who sits at home as a housewife with 7 children who was married at 19, attended BYU, grew up in Utah, smiles incessantly, owns a suburban, trampoline, and never drinks coffee or tea but is probably downing a diet pill/anti-depressant cocktail first thing in the morning. Only one of those apply to me.